THE Chair
by Zeki Bahamut
Summary: Woa! Seph burns his favorite chair to cinders! Will he go insane... Again?!


In a "little" room in the corner of the Nibelheim Mansion  
  
Seph: (is sitting in chair) Man! I'm bored. (pops Creampuff into mouth)  
  
Zeki: How can you be bored?! You have fame, money, squealing fan girls. . .  
  
Seph: (shudders at thought of his greatest fear: squealing fan girls)  
  
Zeki: . . .you have a girl running around invisible, unlimited supply of hair gel, glowy makou eyes, hair to die for, good looks, mind problems, your own Chocobo ranch, a coffin in your basement with a guy in it. . .  
  
Vince: (Turns over in coffin and mumbles)  
  
Zeki: . . .a crazy dad. . .  
  
Hojo: I am not saying a word.  
  
Zeki: . . .a BIG sword, lots of fan mail, Life2, you're really powerful, you can't die, you have your own mansion, friends, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree. It's IMPOSSIBLE for you to be bored.  
  
Lenoa: Then why is he bored?  
  
Seph: (Coughs repeatedly)  
  
Lenoa: (leans over and checks Seph's temperature) Egads! Zeki, call the doc! Seph is burning up.  
  
Seph: (catches on fire)(screams uncontrollably as his fave chair is burnt to ashes)  
  
Zeki: (grabs fire extinguisher and sprays Seph)  
  
Seph: (Feels extinguished)  
  
Lenoa: Zeki, about the doctor. . .  
  
Zeki: (shrugs) He's all booked up.  
  
Lenoa: And tomorrow?  
  
Zeki: Tomorrow and through next Wednesday.  
  
Lenoa: Find another doctor  
  
Zeki: The only other doctor in a one hundred mile radius is Hojo. (riot forms outside as people scream in terror and move to another Planet)  
  
Lenoa: If he's the only other doctor, then he'll have to do. Call him in.  
  
(From burnt pile of chair remains)  
  
Seph: NOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Zeki: Do you think he heard us?  
  
Lenoa: Na. He's still whining about his chair.  
  
Seph: (strokes remains of chair lovingly) My poor, poor chair. We've spent so many hours together, just you and me. But now they had to set this sorrow upon us. They're just jealous of us, my Darling! They wanted to separate us! People say I'm crazy, but I'm not. You're the only one who truly understands me!  
  
Lenoa: (sighs)  
  
Zeki: He needs a shrink.  
  
Lenoa: (sighs and shakes head)  
  
Jenny: (materializes) Um, guys? Sephy's on a rampage!  
  
Lenoa: Again?! He did that yesterday; he's not due until tomorrow.  
  
Zeki: Maybe he took it early.  
  
Jenny: He's already finished off the room, now he's going to the Library.  
  
Lenoa: The Library?! We have to stop him before he kills someone!  
  
Zeki: How do we find him?  
  
Jenny: Easy. Just follow the trail of Creampuffs.  
  
Lenoa: As long as it's not the yellow brick road.  
  
Zeki: Where's Toto, and the flying monkeys? If Jenny's the invisible woman, and Lenoa is the purple haired lady, Seph is the witch, then. . . . I'm Dorothy! AAAAAAHHHHH!!  
  
Lenoa: Shaddup! If we don't hurry, he will go insane. . . AGAIN!!!  
  
Zeki: Not a good thing!!! (runs to "hidden" door in Hojo's old bedroom)(opens)  
  
Lenoa: (catches up)  
  
Jenny: (teleports in)  
  
Lenoa: (between gasps) So . . . what . . . do we do. . . now?!  
  
Zeki: BURN THE MANSION!!!!  
  
Lenoa: (hits Zeki upon spikey head)  
  
Zeki: (shakes hurting head) Um . . . I guess . . . we stop him . . .?  
  
Lenoa: Good boy!!!  
  
Jenny: (gives cheese cookie)  
  
Zeki: (eats)(straightens up) O.k. let's go! (begins running down swirled staircase)  
  
Jenny: Zeki! Wait!  
  
Zeki: (trips over shoelaces)  
  
Jenny: You might wanna tie your shoes . . .  
  
Zeki: (rolls down stairs and lands on face) Oof!  
  
Lenoa: I told you to get the BOOTS, but Nooooo! (waves hands in air)(follows Jenny down stairs)  
  
Vince: (holding temper) Who disturbed me from my peacefull sleep?  
  
Lenoa and Jenny: (point to Zeki)  
  
Zeki: Oh!(peels head from the ground)(looks up at Vince) Hi Vamp boy!  
  
Vince: I am not a vampire.  
  
Zeki: (stands up) Oh yeah?! Prove it!  
  
Vince: (gnaws on arm of human) As you can see, I do not drink blood, I do not have sharp teeth, and I do not turn into bats. (turns into bat lookin' creature) Only Chaos.  
  
Lenoa: So, you are a canibalistic demon who has extending teeth and can turn into various different monsters. You are, in other words, a former experiment of Hojo-the-wuss.  
  
Chaos: (turns back into Vince) Exactly.  
  
(sobbing is heard from the Library)  
  
Seph: (walks out holding book)(points to it)  
  
All: Oh . . . (remove confused faces)  
  
Seph: (throws book down)(flies away, dropping a piece of Jenova)  
  
Jenny: Hey!(points to head) That's me!  
  
Zeki: Eww!(makes "yuck" motion) It's all moldy and rotting!  
  
Lenoa: You need some of this special age defying, wrinkle removing cream.(holds up bottle of white goo)  
  
Vince: I used that.(riot forms outside at the past mentioning of THAT scientist)  
  
Jenny: Talk about a late reaction.  
  
Lenoa: Rumour had to get around.  
  
Jenny: Aha, I see.  
  
Vince: (pokes head with the tip of his bronze boot) Is it . . . alive?  
  
Head: (chomps on foot)  
  
Jenny: Of course it is!  
  
Lenoa: I guess we have to take care of it.(draws throwing knives)  
  
Zeki: (twirls scythe)  
  
Vince: (draws gun)  
  
Jenny: I'm not going to fight THAT!  
  
Vince: Why not?  
  
Jenny: It's my HEAD!  
  
Lenoa: I don't see what your problem is.(begins fighting with the rest of the group)  
  
All besides Jenny: (are nearly dead)  
  
Head: (bites Jenny)  
  
Jenny: O.k. that's IT!!(uses Limit Break)  
  
(giant Creampuff falls from sky and crushes the head)  
  
Head: (moans and dies)  
  
Jenny: (uses Fullcure-All)  
  
Zeki: Yo, where'd ya' get THAT?!  
  
Jenny: (shifts around) Um . . . the Masamune . . . ?  
  
Vince: I am going back to continue my long slumber. Good night.  
  
All: 'Gnight!  
  
Vince: (leaves)  
  
Lenoa: (points to air) Follow the Trail of Creampuffs!  
  
(musical begins and then ends shortly after)  
  
Zeki: Lets GO!  
  
A short while later . . . .  
  
Lenoa: What's that SMELL?!(sniffs air) Gingerbread!  
  
Jenny: Could it be that house over there?(points to a decorated gingerbread house)  
  
Zeki: (gnaws on house) It tastes pretty good!  
  
All: (eat house)  
  
Chocobo: (puts three in oven) Wark wark Waaaaaaaaaaaaark wharble! *this will taste GOOD!*  
  
(stove blows up and the three go flying)  
  
All: (land face first in the Yellow Brick Road)  
  
Zeki: (gets stepped on) Oof! Egads, that hurt!  
  
Dorothy((Gundam Wing)) : (looks down) Oh! I'm so sorry!  
  
Zeki: Yeah, sure, could ya get offa me?  
  
Dorothy: (steps off) I was told to follow a yellow road by a bunch of munchkins, have you seen it?  
  
Zeki: Yeah. It's under my friends and me.  
  
All: (get up)  
  
Lenoa: by the way . . .  
  
Jenny: Have you seen a crazy guy with silver hair, glowy green eyes, and a BIG blood-drinking sword around here?  
  
Dorothy: (points and follows road intently)  
  
Seph: (cackles) I'll get you my pretty and your little Dog, too!(flies away dropping apple)  
  
Chocobo named Dog: Wark?(disapears)  
  
Zeki: (walks over to apple) This is too weird! I am NOT gonna eat this apple!  
  
Narrator: The trio follows the Trail of Creampuffs and soon they find themselves at the Nibelheim Mansion again.  
  
Lenoa: Weird . . . it's almost like he lured us here.  
  
(lightning flashes)(thunder booms)  
  
Seph: (is asleep in chair sucking thumb and hugging Cait)  
  
Zeki: Where did he get that chair?  
  
Jenny: Oh, that must be the REAL one!  
  
Lenoa: Pardon?  
  
Jenny: Rufus has a chair identical to Seph's, he asked me to keep it away from fire people. That must've been the chair that burned.  
  
Rufus: JENNY!!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CHAIR?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Zeki: Oh crap!  
  
Lenoa: Not good!  
  
Jenny: Run away! Run away!  
  
The end . . . . . . . . . . . . or is it? 


End file.
